A Psychologist Rates 5 Popular Parenting Hacks (From Toddlers to Teens)

Every parent has a few go-to tricks for getting out the door, through dinner or into bed. Some work beautifully. Some work for a week and then stop. And many that worked at four stop working at ten, and backfire completely at fifteen.

Here are five of the most popular parenting hacks, scored out of ten, with what’s going on underneath each one, and how to adapt it as your child grows.

1. Counting to three: 6/10

“I’m going to count to three…” gives children a moment to switch gears, and tells them a limit is coming. It loses points because it only works if something actually happens at three. If the count often stretches to “two and a half… two and three-quarters…”, children learn it’s negotiable.

• Young children (3–7): if you count, follow through calmly, every time. Better still, use a when–then (below).
• 8–12 year olds: counting can start to feel babyish. Swap it for a heads-up: “Five more minutes, then screens off.” Set a timer they can see, so the timer is the “bad guy”, not you.
• Teens: skip it. Counting at a teenager usually starts an argument. A calm, one-time statement works better: “Dinner’s in ten. I need you at the table.”

2. “When–then”: 9/10

“When your shoes are on, then we’ll go to the park.” It’s calm, clear and predictable. It tells children exactly what needs to happen and what comes next, without a threat or a bribe, and it helps children who find it hard to get started.

• Young children: keep it short and concrete, and make the “then” something that was going to happen anyway.
• 8–12 year olds: it still works brilliantly, and you can involve them in it: “When homework’s done, then it’s free time. What do you want to do first?”
• Teens: turn it into an agreement you make together, ahead of time, not in the heat of the moment. “Once your assignment’s submitted, the car’s yours on Saturday. Does that work?” Teens are far more likely to stick to something they helped decide.

3. Saying “calm down”: 2/10

Has anyone ever told you to calm down, and it worked? When a person is really upset, their body is in fight-or-flight mode, and the thinking part of the brain goes offline for a while. “Calm down” asks them to do something their brain can’t do yet, and it can feel like their feelings are wrong.

• Young children: name it and stay close. “I can see you’re really upset. I’m here.” Lower your voice and wait. Children borrow calm from the adults around them.
• 8–12 year olds: they may want space more than a hug. “I can see this is a lot. I’ll be in the kitchen when you’re ready.” Later, when things are calm, help them notice their own early warning signs (tight chest, hot face) and what helps.
• Teens: don’t try to fix it in the moment. Stay calm, keep it short, and give them room: “Okay. I’m here if you want to talk later.” Some teens find it easier to talk in the car, on a walk, or even by text. Revisit it once everyone has cooled down.

4. Sticker charts: 7/10

Sticker charts make progress visible and give children something to feel proud of. They lose points when they’re used for everything, for months, or when stickers get taken away, because then they turn into a source of stress.

• Young children: one clear, achievable goal (like “stay in bed after lights out”), short-term, celebrating effort, and phased out once the habit sticks.
• 8–12 year olds: stickers may feel too young. A points system towards something they choose (a movie night, a trip to the skate park) can work well, especially if they help set the goal.
• Teens: external rewards work less well and can feel controlling. Help them track their own goals instead: a habit app, a checklist on their phone, or a weekly check-in about what’s working. The aim is building their own motivation, not managing them.

5. Offering two choices: 9/10

“Do you want the red cup or the blue cup?” This is one of our top-scoring hacks at every age, alongside when–then. Many power struggles are really about control, and choices give children a real sense of control, inside limits you’re happy with.

• Young children: keep it to two options you’re genuinely happy with. More can feel overwhelming.
• 8–12 year olds: widen the choices and hand over more of the decision. “Homework before or after dinner? Your call.”
• Teens: move from choices to problem-solving together. “Your phone keeps ending up in bed with you and you’re exhausted. What do you think would help?” Let them suggest a plan first, then agree on it. Teens who feel heard push back less.

The bottom line

No hack works every time, for every child. Neurodivergent children and teens, anxious children, and young people going through a big change may need different approaches, and that’s completely okay. As children grow, the goal shifts from managing behaviour to building a relationship where they can manage themselves, with you alongside them.

What matters most isn’t getting it perfect. It’s staying connected, and repairing after the hard moments.

If mornings, bedtimes, screens or big feelings have become a daily struggle at your place, it can help to talk it through. Our team works with children, teens, adults and families in Mascot, with Medicare, NDIS and private options.

Book a free 15-minute phone chat: call (02) 8054 4790 or contact us online.

This article is general information, not advice for your child or family. If you’re worried about your child’s safety, call Kids Helpline on 1800 55 1800, or 000 in an emergency.